Pratima Shah

   Very often when asked about our happiest moments; each one of us has to think a lot to find them. But if someone asks us about our saddest moments, we have a list to tell them. Why is it so that we remember our saddest moments instead of remembering our happiest moments. According to Neurobiology these sad / bad / unpleasant memories occupy our thought process. The socio - biological reasoning behind this is that we humans have invented many ways and resources to ward off danger / predators / enemies. This instinct made us develop a control through which we controlled our surroundings. This controlling instinct carried with it a baggage of thoughts of how to control others who harm us and in turn be harmed by them too. These bad thoughts led to traumatic events and thus occupied a major portion of our brain.    When a person starts aging, the anxiety within the person starts increasing because of the unpleasant memories that have occurred in her / his life. These unpleasant mem

   Our society has always emphasized on story telling to children during the childhood phase. Many children are habituated with listening to stories and falling asleep. The kind of stories told by parents / grandparents include stories from the holy scriptures, Amar Chitra Katha, Panchtantra, Jataka tales, Chacha Chaudhary, stories depicting valour and patriotism, Cindrella, Snow White, Alice in Wonderland and many more. Our daughters are in love with Cindrella and fairy tale kind of stories where a handsome knight comes over a flying horse and marries the girl and they live happily ever after. These stories create a perception in the mind of the young girls that to live happily ever after one needs to marry a charming and handsome boy and boys think that the girl one marries to has to be beautiful. There is rarely any story that speaks about the girl being intelligent. This is not the case only in India but also in many other countries.    Due to this, two girls originally from I

     There are so many sounds that fall on our ears but we are unaware of them. Beginning from the chirping of the birds, the hum of the bees, the sounds of the horns and the passing traffic we daily absorb so many sounds unconsciously; they just remain in the background of our minds. Listening is in our genes; if we don't listen we cannot respond to anything around us. Listening is an art which everyone must possess.    As we grow up we speak more and listen less. We want others to listen to us but we never make conscious efforts to listen to others. This leads to miscommunication in the world. It is time for us to learn a lot from the ones who are active listeners. When we listen to someone, we make them feel valued, secure and understood. We accept them as they are by loving and appreciating them. You owe a lot to that person who listens, really listens to you. The person may have listened to you and advised you, may have been your guide to the right path or would have show

     Believe it or not, every addiction has its root in unhappiness. Being addicted to drugs, alcohol, smoking or any other substance works as an emotional anesthetic for a person who is unhappy and in pain. The question that arises is that why does addiction have its root in pain? Our brain grows after our birth. The kind of emotional and physical interactions we encounter determine the development of our brain. The brain's circuitry and chemistry throws light on our individual experiences of life as much as inherited tendencies. For a drug to work in the brain, the nerve cells must have receptors - the center where the drug can bind. Our brain is made of opiate receptors and we all have natural opiate like substances known as endorphins, chemicals that participate in many functions and which regulate pain and mood within us.    As per a survey, infant rates who were less taken care of by their mothers recorded less natural benzo receptors in that part of the brain that contr

   Today while taking presentations of the 1st Year B.Tech students, I realized that these children who seem to be very intelligent find it very difficult to speak before their classmates. Despite of giving them the instructions umpteen times; I wonder why they do not pay heed to them? There were barely 1-2 outstanding performances. Despite of making them aware of the kinesics, proxemics, paranlinguistic and chronemic features there were hardly a few who mastered the art. It was not that I had declared the dates of the presentation overnight. But these students always end up keeping things for the eleventh hour. Whatever is done in the eleventh hour never yields you the required result. Yet they always end up procrastinating things.    Public speaking is an art which one needs to master. One needs to practice a lot before the D day. You may feel I am good at talking to people; but talking to people does not make you an effective speaker. To be a successful speaker / presenter you

Have you ever come across persons who are 'Baba Black Sheep Managers?' This phrase means a person who is always saying Yes Sir, Yes Sir / Yes Mam, Yes Mam, The eponymous character in the nursery rhyme was able to answer the question asked to him in the rhyme but in real life when persons keep on saying Yes Sir, Yes Sir for anything that is conveyed / told to them; it acts as an impediment to effective communication. I wonder how do people fall into this trap of saying 'Yes Sir, Yes Mam'. Most of the time it comes out of nervousness when one is required to address a senior. They may sometimes even want to behave respectfully. This particular behavior of a person may backfire as it puts off the person who is being addressed. Rather than being taken as showing respect towards someone; the person may appear  submissive or may be even as a flatterer. Sometimes a senior may also assume it to be a part of your skill to show that you are lacking in the information / knowle

As per a recent survey of the top billionaires; it was found that seven out of ten of them had formed a habit to read since their childhood. People who are associated with creative fields and those who have achieved landmarks had also inculcated the habit of reading since a very tender age. Out of the top five most read writers, Geoffrey Archer being one of them, said in an interview, ' All the genius people  who are related to creative forms of expression have a habit of reading and would always strive to spare time to read amidst their busy schedule. Be it a writer or a director, but if the person is lazy when it comes to reading; then that person is not an artist but just a mere technician". According to modern science, there are three advantages of reading: 1. Reading is the greatest time saving weapon.According to psychologists reading makes one enjoy and experience all the emotions which would take years to experience as a person. Reading helps us to save these year

   To push ourselves out of negativity we tell ourself and others - 'THINK POSITIVE'. But do positive thoughts come that easily? To remain positive always people try various things - like meditation, exercise, venting out and seeking advice from others, following their religion and even taking the help of psychologists. How long does one survive on these techniques? We are not able to keep ourselves positive even though we tried the above mentioned techniques. But this is not what real spirituality demands from us. Real spirituality lies in the fact that you just be an observer and observe the kind of thoughts that come rather than critically analyzing them as positive / negative.    We must feel the thoughts and experience them instead of labeling them as positive / negative. Let them come and go because the more we try to suppress them / stop them they will attack us in our weak moments and make us their slave. When one has negative thoughts; one needs to understand it

   Our life is full of sweet - bitter memories; and we humans focus more on the bitter / negative aspects / memories. We remember the positive events for a very short time and the negative events imprison our minds for a long time. Confucius once said, 'To be wronged is nothing, unless you continue to remember it.' But human as we are, we focus more on negative events / inevitable experiences. Life is a mixture of positive and negative but still we dread the negative events and relish the positive events with immense joy.     We are able to accept the day to day minor wrongs but the grave ones leave an indelible impact over our lives. They are nurtured as wounds by us and keep on reminding us about the trauma that we faced in that particular negative / bitter incident of our life. The behavior that is prompted by any person during the trauma is that some may take pleasure in self pity by nursing the wound for a life time or some may become bitter, vindictive and cynical. T

    When one does not love the self, one keeps on trying to prove something to someone - that you are a good person, a good partner, a good employee or a good parent. But the fact is unless and until one doesn't learn to love the self , you will forever run yourself ragged and never feel complete. One may play blame games by blaming the self, or by thinking that one lacks being organized enough, that you are not able to take correct decisions and many other escape mechanisms that will give a boost to your self destructive pattern of negative thinking. Why does one need to say 'yes' to someone for doing a task even though you don't have the time, energy or desire to help. It is because you don't want to disappoint the ones who count on you. But its OK to refuse help at times. Its OK to ask for help when you do not have time. Do not put yourself in such an unloved state that you keep on hating yourself more and more. Set priorities and make your SELF the top most p

   Francis P. Robinson, an American educator wrote a book titled 'Effective Study' in 1946. In this book he proposed the SQ3R method of studying textbooks. According to him, SQ3R stands for the initial letters of the 5 steps involved in studying a text: Survey : To survey means to have a quick glance through the title page, preface, chapter headings etc of a text. Through the survey the student can gauge the main ideas of the text. Apart from the author's name, date and place of publication the title page gives an idea of the subject area and the level of focus in that particular text. Whenever a student surveys the index / bibliography the student can easily identify whether the text contains what he / she needs. Question : The survey that the student does will raise questions in his / her mind regarding the text. Turning to particular chapters / sections in a book trigger specific questions in the mind of the student. Read : Advocate a critical approach in readi

     Recall the moment when you have a firm grasp to avoid a pothole while riding a bicycle. You hold tight to avoid the fall by balancing yourself properly. It is this balance that saved you from the fall. Balancing yourself in this age of competition and flux is the need of the hour. Life has its own share of turmoil, challenges and unwanted twists and turns. Retaining your equipoise when in tough times / when things conspire against you makes you a winner. Each one of us needs to stay balanced. Train the mind through practice to remain calm and composed in order to stay balance and manifest the stillness which makes you triumphant and feel glorious. Only when the agitation within the mind ceases calmness will prevail. Living with such a mind changes your life and will make you feel liberated.    The balance will reflect in everything you do - your thoughts, speech, behavior, diet and the way you live life. You will be filled with joy, you will be mindful and do things with affi

   In the early 19th century, a French scientist Guillaume Duchenne de Baulogne was a neurologist who undertook the first recorded scientific study of smiles by using electrodiagnostics and electrical stimulation to distinguish between a real smile and the variety of smiles. The study was conducted by analyzing the heads of people who were executed by a guillotine and the face muscles were observed. The scientist did this observation by pulling face muscles from many different angles to catalogue and record the smiles caused by the different muscles.    According to him our smile is controlled by 2 sets of muscles: the zygomatic major muscles which run down the side of the face and connect with the corners of the mouth and the orbicularis oculi which run down the side of the face and connect with the corners of the mouth along with the orbicularis oculi which pull the eyes back. Zygomatic majors pull the mouth back and expose the teeth by enlarging the cheeks. The orbicularis oculi

   Giving a right handshake to someone can be intimidating for many persons. A handshake speaks volumes about you when you are in a professional setting. Whenever you extend your hand for a handshake plan it in a way that it becomes a part of your introduction. When one extends a hand without a voice greeting, one may give the signal of being aggressive or nervous.    The Right Method is to take the hand of the person and pump it 2-3 times shaking it from the elbow. When you shake from the shoulder by using the upper arm rather than using the fore arm you are in risk of jolting the person. The grip must be appropriate; not limp and not very strong that the handshake becomes a painful one. Remember to smile and have eye contact while giving the handshake.    Business handshakes are very formal and brief. Holding the hand of the other for more than 2-3 seconds can become uncomfortable for the opposite party. The position of the palm should be perpendicular with the thumb up. People

Charlie Chaplin was the actor who pioneered body language skills through his silent movies. An actor was labelled good or bad by the expertise with which s/he used body signals and gestures to communicate to the audience. The most influential pre- twentieth century book 'The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animals' written by Charles Darwin gained great popularity when it came to learning body language because it produced the modern study of facial expressions and body language which have been accepted by the researchers all over the world. According to Albert Mehrabian, a researcher of body language, the total impact of a message is 7% verbal (only words), 55% non verbal and 38% vocal (tone, inflection and other sounds). " It's how you looked when you said it, not what you actually said". Ray Birdwhistelle, an anthropologist pioneered the study of Kinesics - that is non verbal communication. According to him, humans can recognise and make around 2,50,

     There are so many out there in the world who feel it is their moral duty to advice and criticize others for their decisions or actions. These people are so disgusting that they never even realize what they are doing or what effect it has on the person. Some of them react violently, some remain silent and may be some of them even sever their ties with these so called "well wishers" in their life.    One can try using the 'FOGGING' technique with these well wishers in their life. It is difficult to see anything when it is foggy nor are we able to remove the fog by trying to clear it with our hands or by pushing it away. Fog never resists anything or anyone but still it is strong enough and remains where it is. Similarly be like fog when someone criticizes / advises you. First and foremost accept that with which you agree and appreciate the person's comment. By doing this the person's enthusiasm to criticize/advice you will automatically go down. Agree

   Humans possess many psychological barriers and due to these barriers they have pre-conceived notions, biases, difference of opinions and varied perceptions. All these if taken at the workplace will definitely affect the people with whom they work. People at the workplace are not able to get along with colleagues and feel trapped into a maze of internal conflicts. Due to this goals are side-tracked and the teams are not able to work productively.    Team building activities should be taken up by the leaders in organisations to enhance mutual understanding between the team members. All members should be on the same page with reference to the goals of the organisation, project or the leader of the team. This will boost a common understanding among all with respect to their roles as a person and as a team member. The achievement of the goals / targets becomes easy through common understanding.    Every member should display a responsibility / ownership towards the goals and be alig

   How long can a person survive by being a people pleaser? You don't need to keep on living for others by pleasing them. Whenever one is into this vicious cycle of pleasing the other, the energy level of that person starts depleting. In pleasing others and making them happy you are inviting mental illnesses, frustration, anxiety and depression towards you. The reason is because you cannot say a "NO' when you want to say no. You cannot avoid helping because you feel its your duty to do so. This is detrimental to your peace, your growth and your life. You are not at peace because in doing things for others you put away your commitments / your wishes / your 'me time' and what not. How long are you going to allow others to count on you? It is good to help others and be their for your friends, family or relatives but this habit of pleasing others and being there for them builds an extremely unhealthy pattern in your psyche.    Trying to be there always for yo

Today's age is the age of 'videoacy' rather than 'literacy'. The youth today just wants instant gratification and is looking for ways to convey their feelings and express them. The youth today is impressed by our literature but does not have the patience to read it. Rare and lucky are the ones who read literature and try to understand it. Literature is a medium of expression for any human being. Through it we come to know about our own personal traits/feelings/ behavior/ attitude towards a particular person/thing/situation. The youth barely has time for themselves, how are they going to spend time for reading a book. For the youth the instant source of expression is movies. Movies are also about literature and it becomes easy for them to draw a connect with them as movies help one to understand the complexities of human nature , its behavior and many other things related to a person. A movie can convey its message in two hours but it takes time to complete a bo

   In today's time an individual barely finds the solitude to talk to himself/herself. Man today is surrounded by people all the time and amidst this gathering man talks of the benefits of solitude and realizes the power of solitude. The biggest tragedy is that today's individual prefers to live alone when in a crowd and seeks company when alone. How can a person with a family, friends and relatives be alone? Why not? Many of us are alone despite of having people around them. In distressing times an individual feels like getting free from all the ties that bind him/her to people. He/she seeks time to talk to the self. But most of the times when we talk to ourselves we talk about relations, work, money, career etc. But we do not try to know ourself; we do not speak to ourself.    Being in solitude means you need to speak to yourself about the way you feel, the emotions that rise in you and the issues that need to be seriously addressed. One needs to discover each and everyt