Handling Relations

 

   Many a times the circumstances or incidences that occur in our life are so complex that it becomes rather difficult and impossible for us to arrive at a neutral conclusion. These phases are mostly witnessed by us all in our relationships and precisely happen a lot with the bunch of people with whom we live. This happens because every person has his/her version of the story. While dealing with such complex issues in relationships it is often observed that whenever there is a dispute between 2 persons, say for example there are 2 friends A and B. When you listen to the story of A, you feel A is right and when you listen to B, you feel B is right. Both are true and both are liars. It is because both have their own perception and their own story. None of them wants to put their foot down and arrive at a conclusion. And this continues lifelong. Observing the cycle of relationships around it can be understood that whenever there is any dispute between two, it is very difficult to analyse and find out out who is at fault or why did one of them behave in a way that hurt the other. Its impossible or say its futile to even get into these details. It is because there is always a counter argument when two person have a dispute/difference of opinion. This way the list of arguments keep on increasing and this leads to greater grudges which in turn leads to resentment, silence from one side and what not. I say what not because we humans have the capacity to go to any extent when it comes to satisfying our ego. But in the end all this breeds negativity- and lot of anguish and hatred for the other person. Its useless trying to find a solution or reaching a conclusion because once you enter this vicious circle of arguments, judging and belittling the other person, by blaming the other person you have already lost the relation forever. There are a few who even love telling their side of the story to their known people and thus spreading the bad odour of their sour relations which can no longer be sweetened now.
   What can be done to avoid these situation? Faultfinding is like looking at yourself in the mirror. We always try to find out the faults of others rather than peeping into ourselves. When we look at the mirror we always try to see the face of the other person and try to find out the loopholes of the opposite person rather than trying to figure out our own loopholes. To find your faults you must look with attention into the mirror and introspect yourself. The day we start doing this we will realize how difficult a task this is. Sometimes it even puts us into deep guilt. And due to this we always go for the easy way of playing the blame game. It is easy to blame others and stay free from this guilt but your conscience knows what you are. And you cannot deny your conscience for long.
   Rather than entering into this vicious cycle of blaming, arguing and resentment it is much easier to talk to that person whenever the dispute arises. Try to nip it in the bud itself  rather than creating distances and rifts which can never ever be mended later. Try to bring out a wise and practical solution to the issue which is being faced by both parties. It is necessary that both the parties value the relation rather than valuing the disputes. Many a relations have spoilt because one of the party take undue advantage of his/her situation/age/ health issues and many more other reasons. They even resort to all kinds of emotional atyachar. People even try to avoid a discussion by allowing a mediator because they feel that only they are right and the other party is wrong. But this is not always true. The other party may be suffering much more in silence, may be devastated and very lonely despite of all living together. This is seen very much seen in families where the blame of keeping the family ties strong rests solely on the shoulders of a woman. There are many struggling at the domestic front because they do not give into the whims and fancies of their orthodox and rigid in-laws and their family customs. They even enjoy the benefits of being so called elders because it is easy for them to play the card of being a mother / father / or an aged person. By this I do not intend to convey that in all cases the woman is right. There are many incidences where she is wrong too. But at the same time only two hands can make a clap not one. But the point I wish to make is that communicate clearly, wisely and patiently. If there is mediator he/she has to be neutral towards both the parties to restore peace and harmony in the relation. Things may take its own time but in the end you always win the battle.