Eliminate Envy and Conceit

 

I've been thinking about a line from the Galatians lately: "Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other." A simple sentence but when I look around honestly this is the scenario everywhere.

Envy always shows up without knocking. Whenever one hears news like- someone got a promotion/she moved to her new house/he posted family pics post vacation- there is a tiny flicker before you congratulate the person with the words “happy for you”. Neither do we ever pay heed to that flicker because we feel that we have moved on. But we have not.

According to Socrates envy is “the ulcer of the soul,". Envy harms you terribly because it is not a fight with someone/others but it’s like a wound at which you keep picking at yourself. The other party is not even aware of what is happening and you are the only one who is bleeding and suffering.

Looking at the personal angle, envy shows up in dumb ways. Say for example- when you compare your marriage to a friend’s highlight reel. Or an instance when your sibling is praised at a family dinner. Instead of getting envious, follow Seneca’s advice by measuring your life against your past life rather than comparing it with someone’s present. It is difficult to follow but the only comparison that a human being needs to do is the comparison of her past and present life instead of focusing on others. Your life is the only life which is full of facts and you are a witness to them.

A line of C.S. Lewis that has stayed with me: pride isn't really about having something good; it's about being above someone else because of it. This is the part which has stayed with me-one cannot enjoy good things on its own terms through conceit. Conceit needs a status/rank and is in search of an audience always.

Looking at the professional angle, things get messier here as workplaces tend to reward wrong instincts sometimes. The loudest person in the meetings is always remembered even though nothing has been done from her side. The ones who genuinely work are overlooked and taken for granted. The envy between colleagues-over who gets the credit, over the positions is visible everywhere. People are not able to contain their feelings. This throws light on the pathetic circumstances of the workplaces-how they treat one another, what do they choose to share, who is a part of their loop and who isn’t.

According to Peter Drucker, teams/professionals must ask a simple question: “What can I contribute” instead of asking “What do I get”? People who ask “What can I Contribute” work better with less pomposity and with more actual output. As per Theodore Roosevelt— "comparison is the thief of joy" — which gets thrown around a lot, but it holds up. If you are comparing yourself the comparison is equal to torturing yourself. You have ceased to look at the real work which is in front of you.

Tips to avoid this behaviour:

• The moment you realize that you are envying someone, name it to yourself rather than making it a legitimate evaluation of the other person.
• Give credit to others before they ask for it-you don’t have to spend anything, it’s free and brings a huge change.
• Remember that someone else’s good performance isn't a referendum on your bad performance.

Marcus Aurelius has put it very bluntly: "Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one." Spend less time measuring yourself against everyone else and spend more time just doing the real work instead of wasting life over these poisonous feelings.