Losing the Ability to Listen

 

A fact that I noticed off let is that today human beings do not like to be told anything/listen to someone's advice/directions/. The moment anyone points out a mistake or tries to direct another person the immediate reaction is to get defensive. No one is even bothered to process what is being told. Everywhere around no one is listening …just defending. Sometimes even I behave this way but on reflection I realize that I got defensive. It seems that we humans are getting worse at being told anything/listening to instructions/being delegated etc.

Being mentored by someone who has the experience and knowledge is a blessing. Unfortunately, today the mentors/seniors do not have the right to point out any mistake of the mentee/juniors because they do not take it constructively. Rarely you will find mentees/juniors who are open to feedback. Everyone considers it as criticism and becomes defensive. When people of my age discuss these things, we feel that things used to be different in the past. Today a correction suggested is read as an attack. It seems like people do not want to hear that there is something to fix here. They just hear it as “you are not good enough” and respond to  it with a wounded/defensive /vicious attitude.

According to Aristotle— "There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing". This sounds like a probably healthy choice because the flip side of this is painful. The moment you do something real you are in the limelight for feedback. One does not have a choice here. Your talent is not decided by your success/failure but it is decided by the fact that you can sit and take the feedback positively without your ego being hurt by it. 

Today you find people quietly shirking work. From the inside, it doesn't appear to be laziness. It appears to be "delegation," "not really my job," or being too busy to notice that someone else is silently taking in the portion you dropped. "It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows," Epictetus observed, perfectly capturing the mechanism." He says that I've seen people—create an entire narrative in which they are obviously accomplishing a lot; this has never been an inconvenience for them. 

As someone who has witnessed too many show-offs, I can attest to how draining the show-off thing is. The update from the noisy meeting. The CC on a message that did not require attention. The act of pretending to be busy while doing the real task. It is frustrating to be reminded of Jung's statement that "Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves" because it implies that one is at least partially to blame for the annoyance with the office show-off. However, the feature does not exist in a vacuum. Usually, someone is praising it, such as a leader who confuses visibility with value or a culture that applauds loudness.

Rarely does manipulation appear villainous. Most of the time, it appears like someone is making you feel irrational for asking a perfectly fair question. The statement "We all have strength enough to endure the misfortunes of others " was written by La Rochefoucauld, and manipulators take advantage of this gap. Generally speaking, you are more uncomfortable with fighting than being taken advantage of. That is the hidden trick.

What should be the solution then?

·       Marcus Aurelius once said, "If it is not right, do not do it; if it is not true, do not say it " No one owes anyone a discussion about something which you know to be true, so  try to say the truth once, succinctly, and then leave it to sit.

·       Make an effort to quit stealthily gathering things that are not yours. Each time you do so, you are  simply eliminating the one outcome that may have imparted knowledge.

·       Make an effort not to watch the performance. A crowd is necessary for show-offs. When you stop clapping, it typically goes away.

·       When you see manipulation, strive to calmly and loudly identify it. Seldom does it survive being said directly in front of the group.

·       Socrates based his entire philosophy on this statement, which is the most difficult to accept: "The unexamined life is not worth living." To be honest, most people may have experienced each of these at some point. Unable to accept criticism, allowing someone else to bear a burden that was not theirs, performing rather than carrying out the task at hand. Being someone who never does this was never the aim. It is only being aware of when it occurs.

Rather than eliminating listening one must cultivate the habit of listening to gain insight on our performance/to improvise and progress in life. Anyone who tells you something is not your critic, he/she may be your well wisher/friend. Listening gives you the ability to breathe, understand and reflect on what is happening around you. Next time whenever someone comes and speaks to you regarding a matter, take a deep breath and learn to listen positively.