Pratima Shah

  Among all the feelings that every human being has the worst is the feeling of being unwanted. Being unwanted either at a place / situation / group / by a person. You feel crushed by the weight of this feeling and are depressed. Everyone longs to be loved, appreciated and feel secure in whatever situation he/she may be. This struggle is downright depressing and overwhelming. One is not in control of the self and cries / shouts / vents out in a wrong way. Some prefer to bear silence and gain strength through the struggle that makes one restless and uneasy. You seek solace and comfort through various measures but in reality there is no solace.  When this feeling of being unwanted comes from a person / circumstance / group where you least expected you find your self - worth crumbling and falling to pieces. What can be done in this tough situation? Either you pick yourself bravely and leave that person / situation / group or you put on a brave face and suffer. When you try to be brave and

  After the pandemic struck the world, things changed drastically around every human being. The men and children were at home free from their office work and school work respectively. Working women were confined to their homes but with double workload. The ubiquitous fear of the pandemic compelled everyone to be indoors. The working woman who fulfilled both the duties of her workplace and the home front now had to focus over the household chores. It was only when work from home was introduced that she began juggling with her work and home chores. Every home had a woman but barely did anyone notice her as usual. I say ‘as usual’ because that is what happens in the Indian scenario. It is expected of a woman to be submissive, meek and docile and to suffer and work silently. During the lockdown too, women proved their grit by managing the house without the help of maids / cooks / any kind of domestic help. There were rare places where the men in the house helped the women in doing the home

Why do humans seek the tingly excitement in pursuing the unattainable? Why do humans crave for that which is forbidden? Rightly said by Mark Twain, " There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable." By breaking the rules we have a sense of self - control and a taste of freedom. We enjoy the freedom that we gain by doing the forbidden. This feeling tempts us to break the barriers and go for that shot of adrenaline.  Some find this adrenaline rush in doing things like shouting on roads / drugs / drinking / having an extra-marital affair / eating unhealthy / cheating on your diet plan / doing things that are risky. We are all curious to do something that is forbidden since our childhood and this behaviour persists even when we are mature adults. This behaviour initiates when we are in the adolescence stage because this is the stage when we seek to reaffirm our persona by marking our space and fields of authority. Every person wants to be recognized in h

All of us have this problem in varying intensities: Either you are a person who can let go easily and refuse to stay in there, or you are a person who holds on and feels incapable of letting go. We are accustomed to holding on to situations, relationships, resentment and dreams. Many of us face situations wherein we require to make a decision - of staying where you are or letting go. Should I stay in this relation or get out of it? Should I look for a new job or remain stuck in the current job? Should I move on from someone / something or should I give it another chance? These are the questions that pop in our minds and trouble us until we make a decision. Life gives you signals to take charge of the situation. Say for example - it is expected of you to sacrifice your personal beliefs or become someone you are really not. You are unable to recall the time this made you smile. The situation / person made you feel depressed, broken and frustrated. When your trust is continuously broken;

 Forgiving a person who has hurt you is a very challenging task. One needs to forgive others for personal freedom, for releasing oneself from the burden of the emotions and live a happy life. But these statements are sugar coated. Forgiving someone is a mammoth task like every other challenging task that a person undertakes. There must be one reason why you want to seek freedom from these toxic emotions. One must comprehend what is at stake and why forgiveness is important for you, your peace of mind and for a happy life. Have we ever paid heed to the consequences of not forgiving? Most of the time people feel a resistance that keeps them from being willing to forgive. They have a misperception about the idea of forgiving and because of this they hold themselves back.  What Forgiveness is not - Forgiveness is not reconciliation with the one who hurt you. It is not living in denial of the actions of the person. It is not allowing the person to repeat the same behaviour over and over aga

 There is a huge population which is under the impression that surrendering at the feet of a guruji / a baba / a mataji or attending self - coaching classes would turn them into self - realized humans. An important aspect is to be awake internally and become conscious of every thought and action of yours. The key word is 'internal' because without 'internal will' nothing can make you realize the power within you.  Any success that you achieved in life always began by fighting the internal demons. After conquering these you took up the humongous task of conquering the external demons to achieve success. The internal demons include - fears, lack of confidence / self esteem/ worries / temptations / failures and your past experiences. The list could go on depending on what internal demons one possesses.  Have you ever taken into account the preponderance of '-ins' on the path of self - realization?  Why do we say in - trospect and not outer -rospect, in - tuition

   We all are born different and have a variety of idiosyncrasies. Due to these idiosyncrasies we have different perspectives. The difference in perspectives leads to clashes between people when they are with one another - at home / at the workplace / any situation where there are 2 or more than 2 persons. Things can get horrendously chaotic when there is a clash of perspectives. At the home front there is no peace and harmony between the family members. At the workplace it is highly stressful to work with colleagues / bosses who do not empathise and try to understand your perspective.    Perspective is what one individual feels about something. My perspective is my reality because I have programmed myself to believe a particular thing in a particular way / situation. It is my personal way of thinking which has been ingrained in me due to the kind of life experiences I have had. My values, my state of mind and the assumptions that I have for a certain issue / situation - all thes

   In the professional world one comes across people who are into the habit of projecting themselves as more successful and competent than their peers. This is the driving force behind the public relations business that is omnipresent in every field. The sad truth is that most of us are driven by sadistic instincts wherein we derive sadistic pleasure by belittling others / projecting others as nothing / playing the dirty games of the trade.     Like every other field there is a rat race here too. Everyone wants to show off and make others envious. People talk about luxuries / foreign trips / expensive accessories / jewelry but no one really "TALKS" to one another. Those living in the family are not aware what the members of the family feel / go through. All the years since I began working I never engaged in this race of creating my PR business. Whenever I meet the so called stalwarts of my field and notice their frivolity I make it a point to stand before that person with a s

   After the release of lockdown there are still many who feel low. This low feeling is the side effect of the enforced isolation. Hope this feeling vanishes once everyone starts picking up the threads in the external universe. The greatest fear as of now is about the 'new normal' where in you see people around you with masks over the face, sanitisers and protective gears. All life we were taught to hold our dear ones closer and now everything seems different. The new normal is like setting a new mindscape.     The age group of 20 to 70 ( that comprises the major population) has been stamped with the memories of lockdown. This lockdown - where we lived in isolation, the way we changed and how we see others after it. This reminds me of those soldiers who were a part of war - how they would narrate stories of the war to their near and dear ones. The stories of Partition told by its sufferers. All those who were saved from the war / partition were never the same because something

      The indomitable and vivacious characters portrayed by Sushant Singh Rajput (SSR) would never have given an iota of doubt to the world of what this sagacious and sanguine gentleman was going through. As always the loquacious ones are out for gaining more publicity by making a statement in the media. The hypocrites of the society are in for preaching to the world and proclaiming on camaradiere and human values like kindness, empathy, fortitude etc. No one is worried as to where the world is heading, what kind of lives are we living, why is the society and family becoming a meaningless unit when it comes to taking care of its members. I believe he tried hard and even insinuated his co-stars but in vain and we lost him too early to the horrifying claws of depression.    The way a person loses control over the self and hands over the self to suicide is really petrifying. Whenever such incidents have occured the so called preachers start preaching and one finds messages and forwards re

   Youngsters have a penchant for loneliness as they cannot bear someone curtailing their desires and preventing them from doing what they want. An analysis done states that in living a life of one's desires; one begins to create a distance with their own family members because youngsters are capricious and do not want the surveillance of any elder - be it a parent / teacher / in laws to advice or admonish. This is a precarious time for the youth and even though they demand solitude; deep down they yearn for togetherness from the people around them. This is the reason why everyone of us loves parties and celebrations.     We isolate ourselves because we do not intend to have ego issues. We fear rejection and never want to be disregarded. This way we allow loneliness to creep into our psyche and in our life. 'Social distancing' makes one more lonely. By distancing ourselves socially we allow loneliness in our life and thus fail to see the larger picture of life where there i

   According to Aristotle, "The ultimate value of life depends upon awareness and the power of contemplation rather than upon mere survival." What is awareness? Many of us equate it to mindfulness. The essence of awareness lies in living your life with great mental agility and understanding. It is when we become highly attentive about each and every moment about our self and our surrounding. Cultivating awareness requires great efforts and one requires lot of practise to turn it into a habit.     A person first creates an awareness of the self - the body, intellect and mind - gradually the person moves from the self to the surroundings as well as the various facets of life. By being aware, one becomes observant of the self and surroundings. One becomes capable enough to connect, empathise and be responsive to the distress of others and thus render our services. A person who is aware does not indulge in frivolous activities but engages in those activities that will add value t

       A day like any other day yet I am happy and relaxed because its Mothers's Day. I swell with pride as I look at my child. Nostalgia hits me as I wake up to the memories of the past. I recall the day that came as a blessing to me before twenty years when my son was born. Each and every moment very distinctly has its impression on me. I smile with joy all alone thinking of those moments. Most of the mothers must be nostalgic today. This is what we mothers are made of - a plethora of emotions, selfless love for the child and over protectiveness. Many of the children today do not approve this behavior of their mother. The generation today wants space and seclusion yet they seek attention. This is because they are the children of the Internet age where the frames keep on changing very quickly and leads to a situation which they are unable to handle. You go too close to them; you are  prying into their privacy and are over protective. You let them be; they feel left out and neglect

   A woman lives with a lurking fear of being judged / of failure / of being disliked and disapproved / of over reaching / of drawing negative attention  / of making wrong choices and the mightiest trinity of fear: the fear of being a bad daughter / wife / mother. This lurking fear has a deep impact on her routine, on her thought process and on the way she carries herself in the journey of life. Every man has a fear within; but despite everything that happens under the prestigious banner of feminism only the woman will be judged / misjudged / and no one can dare to tell anything to a man. It will take thousands of years for the mentality of the Indian society to change and be a witness to gender equality without any bias of caste / creed/ profession / any other barrier.    A woman should learn to come to terms with the lurking fear that troubles her. She needs to stop being tough towards herself. There is no need to be a perfectionist at home / workplace / in everything she does.

   Do we ever give a benefit of doubt to our inner circle, i.e. our nearest and dearest ones?  Whenever we converse with our family -  parent / spouse / child / sibling / bestie we often operate through the vision of our preconceived notions and the earlier experiences we have had with them. Everyone feels that we know our near ones very well and this thinking of ours does not allow us to keep our heart and mind open to them during conversations. This ideas that are fixated govern our present interaction and the trajectory of our future relationship with them.    Children and animals are blessed with the power to forget easily. But an adult - a dangerous and horrifying species on the planet has the power and capacity to carry the knowledge of an earlier negative experience in the heart, mind and eyes; thus influencing all interactions by looking for a hidden agenda. Due to this there is barely any harmony left in the interactions with our inner circle. The adage 'Fake it unt

   Why do we try to prove our worth to others? Are we not capable enough to see our worth? Being a highly intelligent lot; we still seek validation from others. We want others to accept us but we ourselves are unable to accept our 'self' as it is. Due to this we keep on trying to prove ourselves to others so that they accept us. But does it really matter? Are they worth it? On reflection the answer will be a negative one. To be acceptable and to hold worth in the eyes of others we spend most of the time of our life. Life would definitely be very different, worth living and beautiful if everyone of us stops draining the self in the pursuit of proving our worth.    One needs to understand that the world doesn't bother about you. It doesn't care what happens to you or what you do. Everyone comes to you for one or the other reason. Some come and fulfill their desires through you and sometimes your desires are fulfilled through the help of others.We all meet one another

We all keep on thinking about the past and planning for the future. But can we see our future ? Why can't we stop looking at our past ? The fact is nothing exists except the present neither the past  nor the future. How many of us live in the present? We all are slaves of our mind that keeps on thinking either about the past or about the future. Happy  and lucky is the person who is is able to live in the present. Such a person is a young mind that is neither childish nor old.    Actually speaking we human beings never pass through youthfulness. It is because we directly move from childhood to old age. This is because of the pressures of education system, the burden of our studies, the expectations of all around us and many other factors that deprive us of our youthfulness. We are fitted in a system that is rigid and competitive. We are not able to break away from the shackles of these demons in the form of our education system and competition. We ran a race and we expect our

   In any relation be it mother - child, brother - sister, husband - wife or among friends one of the other parties always feels a lacking. Whatever one does is never enough. Due to this there are many issues that happen. Sometimes this leads to a rift in the relationship or one of the other person is dejected and feel that there is nothing left in the relationship. Say for example a wife that performs the duties that are required of the family but one mistake  from her side makes the husband feel that that he is not getting enough. Due to this the wife is always under tremendous pressure and they may be lot of fights and arguments between the husband and wife. This applies to any relationship because whenever one of the party feels that what what he or she is doing is ultimate and weighs the behaviour of the other without considering the troubles and pain the other person undergoes in fulfilling the duties; there is a huge toll on that relation.    It is our human tendency to alw

   The weekend before today made me feel very depressed and low. It was the 50th Golden Jubilee Celebration at my school and a reunion for all batches. How I longed to be at the event; but things turned out in a way that I could not be present there. Like all my other batch mates who could not make it to the reunion; I too was going through the phase of FOMO, (Fear of Missing Out). I felt nostalgic through the phase of these 3 days and memories kept on haunting me. Tears of joy and sorrow kept visiting my eyes many times. I felt as if I missed out something which I would never ever witness. I was highly elated to see all my friends enjoying the event from all the pictures and videos which they shared. But the pang of not making it to the event will linger forever within me.    This FOMO is such a strange phenomenon. Actually it is for those internet users who have a fear of missing things on the social media and keeping abreast of everything that happens. According to Wikipedia so

  With whom do we communicate at a deeper level? What kind of people do we like to meet / interact / be friends with? Ever wondered why we find some persons relatable and why do we reject others? The reason is our yearning for sameness. We try to find similarities with which we can relate. Man's hunt for this sameness has led him / her dramatically to some thing or the other. The most transformative among these were the findings and exposing of shared experiences which we literally know as the "Me too" movement.    This is the decade where DAE - 'Does Anybody Else' reached a new level of indulgence by people who were in the pursuit of relatables / sameness. Under DAE, posts like - DAE escape to the washrooms to get rid of people during gatherings? DAE love to watch movies back to back? DAE avoid bathing in the winters? DAE get nervous and anxious during presentations? DAE feel annoyed at unwanted surprise guests? This decade witnesses many DAE and memes that